5 Haiku

While sitting my last 10 day meditation course, I 'wrote' 5 haiku. As we are not supposed to have pen and paper, I composed them in my head and, in order to remember them, I recited them in my head during my breaks. I composed them mostly while walking in the woods. Afterwards, when I wrote them down, I found that they can explain quite well some of the teachings and practices that are part of this tradition. Usually I would leave readers to form their own understanding of poems but, in this case, I will attempt to explain some of the meaning behind them.
For those who don't know, a haiku is a Japanese style of poetry, one characteristic of which is the syllable pattern of each line: they often have 3 lines with the syllable pattern 5, 7, 5. My friends Jamie and Tara reminded me of these poems and pointed out that in fact the pattern is much more flexible than I thought- some famous Japanese poets use many different patterns. I have tried to follow the most well-known pattern in mine. It helped me to remember them.

In the woods I found
fourteen types of mushroom. Wow!
Nature is so full.

I never realised that Autumn in this country produced so many toadstools. I found so many of different shapes, colours and sizes. Even some blue ones! Dhamma is the law of nature and, by observing my own body-mind phenomenon so closely, I am often shown how nature works within this body. Dhamma centres are located in beautiful places, surrounded by natural beauty. This is no coincidence. Also it is not only to give meditators a quiet place to practice. We are reminded how much a part of nature we are, how much we rely on the natural world. I have come to see nature with new eyes after these courses, seeing more detail and feeling much closer to my natural environment. I am often overcome by feelings of gratitude, love and wonder for the animals and plants I see in just a small area of woodland. The wonders of evolution. Once, watching a tiny spider build its web, I understood how some people think that the only power capable of creating such a magnificent thing could be a God.

Copper. Amber. Gold.
All changing, changing, dying.
So full of promise.

Central to the practice of Vipassana is the concept of Anicca, which is change. Autumn is a good time to observe change. It is also a good time to observe death. Change and death are realities but they are two of the greatest miseries we face because we don'twant to accept reality. We cling to life and reject the idea of death.
The autumn leaves are beautiful. We like to see them but they wither, lose their beauty and die. Because we have become attached to the beauty and cling to it, when the leaves die and the trees are left dark and bare, we grieve and feel sad. Attachment is one reason for our misery. The other is aversion: winter comes, cold and dark and we don't like it. We push it away, we find ways to distract ourselves from it. We feel miserable.
Meditating lets us experience these concepts through the observation of our own body-mind. Through watching the sensations on our body (pleasant and unpleasant) we practise remaining equanimous, not reacting with attachment or aversion (even if we are suffering real pain sitting for one hour without moving). This also helps us to understand the Buddha's first noble truth which is the truth of suffering:
There is suffering. Everybody in this world suffers. If we can accept this, it is the first step to overcoming our expectations of a painfree life and the inevitable disappointment and misery when our expectations are shattered.
Understanding that everything (animate and inanimate) sooner or later changes (including the pleasant and unpleasant sensations on the body) helps us not to react with craving/clinging or aversion. Through this technique, we can start to reverse these habit patterns of our minds and face the vicissitudes of life in a more balanced way.

Watching the steam rise
from a cup. It's November.
Outside cold winds blow.
This one makes me think of what I understand of zen, which isn't a lot. Having crystal-clear awareness of everyday things. I never really noticed how the steam rising from a cup looks. I'd never taken the time to notice. With greater awareness what have seemed like mundane everyday things, become facinating, mysterious and often very beautiful. Things worth living for.

Outside, wind whistling
Gusting, pushing to enter.
Inside, all is still.

One day, the autumn winds of November were so fierce I thought they would surely batter through the walls of the Dhamma Hall, but inside 120 meditators were completely still and peaceful. The world outside is full of noise, movement, sights and smells. It never stops changing even for a moment. Sometimes this can seem overwhelming and we find ourselves suffering from negative emotions such as stress. If we can find a way to stay solid, stable and peaceful when the world outside bombards us from every angle, we will surely live in a more relaxed and healthy way. Meditation has helped me beyond description to remain calmer, more aware and balanced when the vicissitudes of life threaten to shake the ground beneath my feet. I feel so grateful for the teachings of Gautama the Buddha for this wonderful technique and to those who have kept them alive for so many centuries.
In the next 2 haiku I am trying to describe the process in which the mind, starting off very distracted, randomly jumping from one thought to another, one emotion to another, slowly calms until it seems that it is floating on a quiet, still pool anchored to the breath and the body. For much of the hour-long sitting the 'monkey mind' clutches at distractions and reacts undiscerningly to thoughts and sensations, whether they be pleasant or unpleasant. It is rarely equanimous and we often feel overwhelmed by the suffering of just sitting still for an hour. But in between these periods of desperation, wanting it all to be over, when our mind quietens and stops rolling in memories of the past or fantasies of the future, we seem to become slightly distanced from our bodies, our minds and our emotions and we can just observe the sensations however uncomfortable they seem. These periods of calm become longer the more we practice and this reminds me of a couple of metaphors I have heard used to describe the harnessing of the mind: it is an wild elepant trained by a mahout (so powerful, potentially dangerous but when trained so useful and loyal) or it is a wild horse being tamed.

Tick, tock, tick, tock make
it stop. Tick, tock make it stop!
Tick, tock make it stop!

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick
Make it stop! Tick, tock, tick, tock

Tick, make it, tick, tock





If you have any questions about vipassana meditation visit http://www.dhamma.org/


May all beings be peaceful.

Firsts

I must apologise for the delay in up-dating my blog- it's been a challenge getting online at the centre. What with working long hours serving in the kitchen, dining hall and on the household duty (that's cleaning- loos, showers, the dhamma hall), getting up early (first gong goes off at 4am, preparation for brekkie starts at 5.30, servers' brekkie at 7.15 so I need to be up for one of these depending on the rota) and finishing late (servers do loving- kindness meditation with the assistant teachers at 9pm so we don't usually finish until 9.30), I haven't really found time to do much but serve and meditate. You have to learn to pace yourself as a server because it's hard work and there is a bit of fanatic zeal to contend with. I just have to remember to curb my competitive spirit.
So it's my first experience working in a kitchen- we're making meals for 150 people. I generally prepare salads or vegetables and do quite a bit of cleaning. There are some impressive over-sized bowls and other utensils and some great industrial power tools and an amazing oven which seems to be able to read your mind.
It's also my first experience of living in a caravan. All I can say so far is- COLD. And it's only October and the weather has been kind to us. I have my systems in place- hot water bottle shoved up my jumper, hat on at all times, clothes on the radiator 10 mins before I get up etc. I'v been reading a book about a guy who goes to build a log cabin and live out the winter in Alaska so I don't feel I have much to complain about on this score. I like the other caravan features though- it's luxurious and should really be termed a mobile home as it's got three bedrooms and a sizeable living-room. It's the first time I've ever had a 3 bedroom place to myself- Oh the irony!
I will try to share my thoughts and experiences more often now that I've sorted out the technology and ofund some time.
Bhavatu, Sabba, Mangalam (May all of you and all beings be happy)

Farewell beep beep beep

As I write another lump is forming in my throat- I'm surprised at how sad and sentimental I feel about leaving India. It seems to be reminding me of the time so long ago when my family said a tearful farewell to our home in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe and Africa. But that was not forever and neither shall this be. I already have plans of how to get back in and stay (student visas seem to be the way to go). I haven't decided what I'll do but various plans are forming up my sleeve- yoga therapy, volunteering, studying and living in an ashram. Funds need to be replensihed first though...Gis a job?

I won't miss beeping outside my window at 11pm and 5am and whenever I'm trying to do meditation. I won't miss frustrated gents staring at my private parts! And I won't miss rickshaw drivers taking me for the wrong kind of ride, in the wrong direction completely, paying more attention to joking around with their mate who appears to be sitting on their knee as they careen round blind corners. I'm just trying to make myself feel better because since yesterday tears have been erupting at the least little thing!

I am looking forward to seeing my family and friends, to offering them all free yoga lessons and massages. I'm feeling pretty excited about bread buns covered in seeds and walks in the countryside and peace and quiet. And I can't describe the sheer bliss at the thought of getting to wear just what I like without fear of offending someone with my breasts!

The last month has flown by in a haze of headstands (I can hold one for 7 minutes now with variations), chanting (my most challenging class on the TTC- not my forte at all!), in-depth philosophy lessons with a brahmin professor (we agreed to disagree on many subjects and he certainly got me thinking!), anatomy and diet and nutrition classes. So I'm now certified to teach beginners' yoga classes although one of the most valuable lessons I learned on the course was that I don't really want to use yoga as a way to earn my daily bread. I'd much rather study and practise it as much as possible and not run the risk of spoiling our wonderful relationship by turning it into a potential cause of stress.

Waterfall

Waterfall like a saddhu's dreadlocks.
Shades of gray and silver.

I can feel your life and spirit
Rushing, falling into
Holy Mother Ganga.

Happy New Year!

We had a nice gathering last night for New Year and the partial lunar eclipse. Yesterday was the first day I didn't make a cake. Nigel Slater's brownies went down well on Christmas Day and carrot and banana cake are proving to be all-time favourites- one young Russian chap ate 4 bits this afternoon. All my muffins were sold before they had cooled down! No idea if I'm making any money though! How do you figure that out?
Been doing a fair few massages and beginning to understand what a physical job it is. It takes a lot of energy physically, mentally and emotionally. I have just met and (half) massaged a French massage teacher. I felt lucky to meet him and he gave me some top tips for my practice. I did a Kalari massage for him which is done with the client on the floor and masseur, using the hands must squat with straight back to work. I have set up a donation system where people can leave something for oil or exchange a massage for a drink or a meal. I like not doing it for money. for now anyway.
After several silly days of me fighting against the will of the barman, I have slotted into his random routine and mood swings! very tricky character not afraid to tell customers where to go if he doesn't like the look of them! Interesting approach. Not sure if I agree with it. But as his boss refuses to do anything about it, I'm finding it difficult to take the whole thing seriously. Business is still very quiet for the time of year and that wind is still blowing and chilly in the evenings. BUt during the day, the sun is out, the sea is blue and quieter and we're feeling hopeful and bright for 2010.